The Tapestry of Friendship
Reason, Season & Lifetime friendships
This month, I’ll be trotting down the lane of friendship. Wending my way through reflections about how this force in our lives is as essential as breath. Our dearest, long-term friends holding court for our unfolding, their presence as much a part of our soul-making as we are to ourselves. And equally, friends who temporarily grace our lives at just the right moment with just the right stuff to see us safely started down a new path.
I’ve always been curious about the well-known quote, People come into your life for a Reason, a Season or a Lifetime.
I used to think that it was a failing if a relationship fell into the “reason” or “season” category. That I should be able to salvage and stretch to get to the Lifetime stamp of approval for any friendship. Even if I had to wildly constrict myself or desperately seek common ground, there was something that felt accomplished about the lifetime retention of every good friendship started.
However, as time has passed, I’ve come to see how unrealistic that is. For all involved, really.
Because we change. Life changes. We aren’t always meant to cross treacherous waters or climb to new heights with the same folks. Different stages of life often challenge us to reach for new skills or tools to navigate.
Similarly, our collection of friends needs to be periodically inventoried and modified in order for us to be well-equipped in the friendship category for the current journey. Updated to enter our next chapter with the ones who will best support our endeavors du jour.
This also translates to our willingness to let go when we’re on the other end of the line – that of someone letting go of us. Doing our best to honor the needs of this person we love while tenderly tending to the natural feelings of rejection and hurt that rise when a friendship shifts significantly or ends by another’s choice.
Of course there is a lot of in-between here too. Friendships of updated shape and form, not ended but renovated. All the more reason for us to stay fluid.
I’ve come to find that, as I embrace the Reason and Season versions of friendship, rather than wish they were Lifetime-worthy, I better align with their intended purpose. Absorb their time-bound wisdom fully, rather than feel a sense of failure for something that is, in fact, perfect in its transient nature. This goes for being on either side of this circumstance – both parties willing to untether as necessary so that all may roam freely.
This isn’t to say that Lifetime isn’t just as brilliant and shiny as it sounds. Because those truly are friendship gems to be adored, regularly buffed and cared for. Friendships built to weather years of storm and circumstance, ebb and flow with the passage of time. Many incarnations thoughtfully braided together.
In essence, all types of friendship are essential and worthy of our time and energy. Reasons, seasons and lifetimes each imparting special wisdom, woven together to make for a rich tapestry of friendship.
This month’s invitation:
Take an honest inventory of your current friendships. Be curious about the Reason, Season and Lifetime categories to help you discern how to hold each friendship and engage it as fully as you can for what it is. Consider where you might need to let go and where you might need to shore up. Allow yourself to be open to all versions of friendship and how they weave together to support you as a whole.
LAST MONTH’S DIGEST
In case you missed some posts last month, or simply want to go back to something that spoke to you in particular.
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I love this, Kimberly. Thank you for posting it and the invitation. What I cherish about many of my friendships that continue to thrive, (ours, for example), is that trust is fully in tact - trust that each person in the friendship will do their inventory and will invite the other to do inventory together. And , Oh my, that oh-so-kimberly smile! Now, that's a keeper, as are you.